I Don't Sleep Well When She's Gone

My wife and I have been married for eighteen years. And of course in that span we've had times where we've had to sleep apart. Business trips or camping trips or hospital trips all lead to us sleeping in different places.

But just because it's happened frequently doesn't mean it's comfortable. We have a king bed and most nights are each on “our side”. Yet there is still a yawning, gaping lack when she's not on her side. I can try to paint it as a luxury. I can spread out over the whole bed! I can lay in the dead center and starfish like crazy!

But it becomes a sense of emptiness. I'm not allowed to fill the whole bed, I must fill it, and there's not enough of me.

My sleep is interrupted, there's that sense that something is missing or that I forgot to do something. I can't put my mind at rest and my body is restless. If one of the children needs help in the night I get up gratefully, because now I can feel useful instead of laying there, feeling foolish for being awake, feeling alone.

She'll be home tonight. I'm looking forward to being able to sleep again.

I’m publishing this as part of 100 Days To Offload. You can join in yourself by visiting 100 Days To Offload.

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