Another Insomnia post

Alarm: Get up. Hey. It's morning. Me: Ugh. No. I haven't even been asleep yet. Alarm: And that's my fault? Look, you told me to wake you up, so that's what I'm doing. Me: But I'm going to be all groggy and uninspriational to all the people I'm supposed to inspire today. Five more minutes. Alarm: And those five minutes are going to help? Me: ...No. They might just make things worse. Alarm: Why didn't ya go to sleep last night, buddy? Me: Psh. Like I know. I tried. I tried to sleep in bed, in my favorite recliner, on a sofa, but it just wasn't happening. Ugh. [gets up]

Shower: Look, maybe it won't be that bad. You've pulled all nighters before. Me: I was a lot younger then. Shower: Nah, I'm only talking two years ago. Remember? Grad school? Me: No, don't really remember grad school, that's kinda the problem. Seems like a paid a lot of money to go slightly insane. Shower: a little hotter? Me: Yeah, thanks. Shower: Hey man, you almost forgot the shampoo. Me: Right, right.

Backpack: Wht? Whzzt? Where we going? Me: To the office. Backpack: What? Why? We're WFH now. Me: Well, not today. I've got manager things to do today. Backpack: you're a manager now? When did that happen? Me: Little while ago. What am I forgetting? Backpack: Lessee, laptop, Switch, chargers, headphones, badge, masks, I think you got it all, boss. Me: You can cool it with that “boss” stuff. Oh, I need my glucose monitor. Backpack: You're diabetic now?? Me: Man, it has been a while since we went to the office, hasn't it?

Phone: It looks like you're playing a chill mix for the road. Given your current sleep deprived state that may not be the best choice. Me: How did you know about...never mind. Phone: I monitor everything about you because I care. Me: suuuuuuuure Phone: a dead customer is an unprofitable customer. Here, let's play a playlist of songs you've known since you were a teenager and can sing along with, that will keep you awake on the drive to the train station. Me: how do you know...never mind. Phone: Your first meeting isn't until 10:00, why are we going in so early? Me: Ah ha ha, look who knows so much! Looks like I still have a few secrets. Phone: Oh, it looks like you have that new developer starting today. Me: Oh hush. Slack told you, huh? Phone: We're all just working together to help you.

I’m publishing this as part of 100 Days To Offload. You can join in yourself by visiting 100 Days To Offload.

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